Who I Am
by TheNightFury
Summary: There was once a time when Arthur felt very confident with his life as a Prince in Camelot. Everything fell apart though when he discovered a terrible secret that could not only tear what was left of his family apart but his Kingdom as well. Possible continuation of Life in Camelot story.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**

**So this was originally posted in Life in Camelot but I decided to post it separately incase I ever decided to add to it (which I am seriously considering). **

Sometimes Arthur wondered if it was even worth it, his entire life was a lie wrapped up in a false hope that maybe it would get better. He spent his life standing by watching as his father burned his own people. He lied and pretended to hate the only people who could possible understand his fears, his pain. What else could he do though? If his father ever found out... No, he wouldn't even spare Arthur, his heir, his only son. As much as tried to deny it, he couldn't. He constantly felt it burning beneath his skin, a constant reminder of what he was, how wrong he was. Nothing he did would ever make that go away

He wanted to be accepted for who he was, everything about him, even...it. Arthur couldn't even bring himself to say the word, if he said it, it would become a reality and he wanted to avoid that as long as possible. He was still trying to convince himself that maybe he imagined it, maybe it wasn't true, deep down though he knew he was just in denial. Arthur first realized something was wrong one night after a nightmare; he woke up suddenly to the sound of shattering glass. Initially he tried to convince himself it was the wind or some other freak accident. But then he looked more closely and saw his eyes, normally deep blue a blazing gold.

"No, no, no..." Arthur muttered. "NO!" He felt it again; a wave of raw power spread through him and he watched his eyes turn gold as a vase shattered. His whole body shook as he slowly backed away from the shattered mirror, terrified. What would his father say? Could he even tell his father about this? That night Arthur couldn't sleep, fear that his father already knew paralyzing him.

The next morning Arthur had stiffly sat in his chair during the council meeting as Uther discussed his plan to capture a druid camp. All Arthur could think about was what had happened the night before with it. Merlin had walked in and seen the mess and immediately started to worry,

"What happened? Are you alright?" Arthur scrambled to come up with some sort of explanation that Merlin would buy.

"Oh um… that… yes I broke it…" Lamely replied, it sounded fake even to Arthur. Merlin glanced at Arthur suspiciously and asked,

"How did it break?"

"I… threw something…" Arthur supplied.

"Throwing another temper tantrum?" Merlin asked, smirking, secretly knowing something else was going on.

"I was pretending it was your head," Arthur corrected, trying to force a smirk, only managing a slight grimace. During the meeting Merlin kept sending Arthur worried looks, knowing something was wrong. Arthur forced himself to focus, feeling sick as Uther described what he wanted to do to the "Filthy druids".

During the raid, Arthur froze, their terrified faces as his men cut through him made Arthur feel sick. What if that was him? It was too much, Arthur tried to subtly slip away in the chaos unnoticed, something he'd never done before.

The next day Arthur was hiding in his chambers, trying in vain to figure out what to do. Could he handle another raid like that now that he was like this? He couldn't tell his father, and he couldn't keep running away. Arthur screamed in frustration, causing another surge of raw power and the water pitcher to explode. Arthur leaned against the wall and slumped to the floor, what could he do? How could he keep this secret if he couldn't even control it? And then it hit him. What if he learned to control it? Their where plenty of books on it in the vault, maybe he could even figure out why this happened, figure out a way to get rid of it.

Arthur stood and hurried out of his chambers and went started down towards the vault. Arthur was about to pull the door open when a voice sternly asked,

"Arthur what are you doing down here?" Arthur slowly turned to face his father, scrambling for something to say, feeling sick as he did so. Would he always have to lie to his father like this?

"After the raid on the druid camp… I felt like… I needed to understand better what we were up against and thought I'd do a little research…" The excuse sounded pathetic, but Uther seemed to buy it. He beamed down at his son and agreed,

"Learning more about the enemy can never hurt. Don't spend to long down there." Arthur nodded his head and hurried inside before his father could say anything else. Arthur leaned heavily against the door, suddenly feeling like a huge weight was settling over him. There had to be something he could do.

As he tore through book after book, his hope that there was something he could do to stop this faded. None of the books even mentioned _how_ someone got magic, much less how to stop it. Another dark though passed through Arthurs mind, _What if there is no way to stop it…you deserve to die…_

Did he really deserve to die for something he couldn't even control? Did anyone deserve to die for this? It all felt so wrong, Arthur didn't know what he could, or what he should, do. He certainly couldn't tell anyone, he knew his men, they were loyal to the king, and they would turn him in a heartbeat. But, how long could he possibly hide this? He had no way to even control it, and if these bursts kept happening someone would eventually notice. Once again Arthur felt like he was the big loser, was that how all they always felt?

Arthur continued to stare at the useless books, heart pounding madly in his chest. The only thing talked about in these books where spells! How did every other magic user live with magic without getting caught? Than an idea hit him, what if he learned some of these spells? What if learning how to use magic helped him stop the outbursts? Once he got it under control he would never use it again, like Gaius. It was breaking the law, but what other choice did he have? As long as his father didn't find out it would work, it _had_ to work.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**

**So an overwhelming number of people loved the idea and wanted me to continue so here it is! Enjoy!**

* * *

Arthur continued his princely duties during the day, but every night when the castle grew quiet and there was no one around who could hear him, Arthur would pull out the spell book he'd stolen and try and riddle through the strange language and practice his magic. No matter how long he worked at it though, Arthur made very little progress. As time passed and Arthur still gained little control of his magic outbursts he grew more and more frustrated and slept even less. His days started blurring together and he started to lose track of what he was doing.

One afternoon Arthur was going through some paperwork when the door to his chambers where violently flung open and Leon and Percival strode in, glaring daggers at the Prince. Arthur stood, slightly confused, and walked over to the pair asking,

"Is something wrong?" Leon glanced over at Percival and nodded slightly. Percival roughly grabbed Arthur and wrenched his arms behind his back.

"Arthur Pendragon you are under arrest for high treason."

"_Treason?_" Arthur shouted, stunned.

"You tried to use magic to kill the king _sorcerer,_" Percival spat tying his hands. How did anyone find out? He hadn't used it to hurt anyone!

"Leon… please. You know me I would never hurt any-" Arthur began but Leon cut him off.

"You are sentenced to death by order of the king!"

"I didn't have a choice!" Arthur shouted as Percival dragged him out of his chambers. "I didn't chose magic… it chose me!" Leon continued to glare daggers at Arthur and snarled,

"You deserve this Arthur… you and your kind deserve to _burn_!" Arthur felt sick as he was dragged out into the courtyard towards the pyre. He was going to die. His own father was sentencing him to death for something he couldn't even control… he was burning, agony ripped through his body as the fire consumed him…

With a shout Arthur sat up, his magic flaring up. Arthur shouted as the camp fire roared to life startling the other knights awake. The knights where instantly on their feet, swords in their hands.

"Show yourself!" Leon shouted, glaring into the darkness as if the "sorcerer" would reveal himself. As his hearts pounding slowly, Arthur remembered with horror he was on a hunt with his men, what if someone realized _he_ caused the flames to grow? None of the knights though spared a glance at Arthur; they were too busy trying to find whoever attacked them.

Worried, Merlin tried to see if he could find this other sorcerer, started when he felt a powerful magic presence near the camp. Merlin noticed Lancelot give him a significant look, asking if Merlin had done something. Merlin desperately shook his head, looking worried. That's when Merlin noticed the look on Arthur's face, fear. He was afraid, terrified actually. What confused Merlin though was why he looked afraid. They'd faced sorcerers before and Merlin had never seen the price look scared, in fact Merlin couldn't remember a time when he'd seen Arthur afraid.

"What should we do sire?" Leon asked, continuing to watch the forest wearily.

"Maybe we should search around the camp…" Percival suggested scanning the forest.

"No!" Arthur hurriedly said, surprising everyone. Arthur quickly composed himself and continued, "That could be the sorcerers plan… split us up…" Arthur couldn't bring himself to look at his men, the looks his men had given him in the nightmare all to vivid.

"I agree with princess," Gwaine commented.

"Sure you're not scared of the dark?" Elyan teased instantly breaking the tension.

"I am not scared!" Gwaine snapped, "I am a knight and knights are not scared of anything!"

"But you never agree with Arthur!" Lancelot pointed out.

Leon grinned and added, "Why else would you agree with Arthur unless you were scared to go out into the scary forest by yourself?"

"I'm not afraid of bunnies!" Gwaine exclaimed, desperately trying to draw the attention away from himself. Everyone expected Arthur to come back with some witty response when he didn't say anything the knights turned to look at Arthur who slowly stood up scrambling to come up with something to say.

"Arthur? Are you alright?" Leon asked concern evident on his face.

"Yes I just… didn't feel the need to respond to Gwaine's childish comment…" Arthur knew his answer was pathetic, he could tell the knights thought the same. Merlin carefully watched Arthur as he refused to look at any of his men, concern for his friend growing.

Sighing in defeat Gwaine loudly declared, "Alright, alright. I can't take it anymore! I can't bear the thought of going into those woods alone! The mere thought of it terrifies me!" The knights weakly laughed at Gwaine's declaration before slowly moving to different corners of the camp to stay up the rest of the night standing guard. Merlin quickly made his way over to Gwaine and whispered,

"Thank you." Gwaine shrugged slightly and looked over at Arthur saying,

"Just try and see what's wrong with Princess… whatever it is, it's really bothering him." Merlin nodded his head and reluctantly made his way over to Arthur who stared into the flames desperately trying to gain control of his emotions.

"Is everything alright Arthur?" Merlin asked, startling Arthur. He was saved from answering though by Leon's shout of,

"_Freeze!_" Before rushing into the forest, followed by the worried knights. Merlin anxiously followed the knights, feeling the sorcerers magic stirring, almost like whoever they were was preparing to cast a spell.

Arthur was terrified, an innocent man could be punished for what Arthur was doing, or maybe a sorcerer was trying to attack them, but Arthur's outburst stopped him. He could feel his magic reacting to Arthur's fear, stirring inside him begging to be used.

As they searched the surrounding forest and found no signs of anyone other than themselves, Arthur found himself relaxing. No one realized he'd done it, and no one would get hurt, eventually they would realize it was just an animal or something and decide to head back to the camp they'd hastily abandoned.

"Alright ladies this is turning into a wild goose chase, lets head back to camp before rabid bunnies attack us," Gwaine declared after about an hour of searching.

"Rabid bunnies?" Merlin asked raising an eyebrow.

Gwaine shrugged slightly and asked, "Bother you princess?" Gwaine and the knights grinned but Arthur ignored them and said,

"Let's get back to camp and try and get some rest." Lancelot grabbed Merlin's arm and hissed,

"What's wrong with Arthur?" Merlin shook his head once again, completely unsure as to what was bothering the prince so much. It just didn't make any sense.

* * *

After the incident in the forest Arthur couldn't relax, the nightmare left him shaken, all he could think about was his men finding out the truth and turning him in… Arthur shook his head and tried to focus on his work, growling in frustration when he realized it was pointless. All he could think about was his men's hatred for him, if Arthur was honest with himself, they were more than knights they were his friends. The thought of them hating him for something that was a part of him hurt more than Arthur wanted to admit.

Arthur knew Merlin was getting worried about him, but he couldn't think of what to say to the servant to convince him he was alright. Several times Merlin had walked in on him while he'd been practicing, and so far Arthur had managed to hide what he was doing before Merlin realized what he was doing. Arthur knew though that he couldn't keep up the charade forever.

Arthur found himself wondering what Merlin would think if he ever found out. Could he forgive Arthur's treason? He was always trying to convince Arthur that maybe magic wasn't all bad…What did it matter what Merlin thought though? It's not like Merlin could keep Arthur safe from Uther's wrath if he found out…

Arthur shouted in frustration and punched the wall, he felt his magic flare up in response and he let it out the tables shook and vases shattered to the ground. He knew someone would come to see what the noise was about but he couldn't get control of his magic. The door to his chambers banged open and Arthur turned to whoever had come in, realizing seconds to late that his eyes where still gold.

"Arthur!"

* * *

**End Notes**

**I'm mean aren't I. Who do you think walked in? How will Arthur get out of this one? Be honest how many of you thought the dream at the beginning was real? Hope you enjoyed this! Part 3 will be out soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

The next few days after they were attacked during the hunting trip, Merlin grew more and more worried about Arthur. The prince seemed jumpier than usual and was spending an unusual amount of time in his chambers. Whenever Merlin came in to see what he was up to, he'd look flustered and nervous, scared even. Merlin tried to get the prince to tell him what was wrong, but every time Merlin mentioned it, Arthur would hastily change the subject.

To make matters worse, the sorcerer Merlin had sensed during the hunt was now somewhere in Camelot. Late at night Merlin would feel flashes of magic, but nothing ever seemed to happen, no one disappeared or started acting strange, no strange deaths, nothing! It was as if this sorcerer was innocently practicing magic, but could their really be another good sorcerer in Camelot? Merlin didn't know what to think.

Very quickly though Merlin started to notice something with Arthur, at first he dismissed it as him seeing things, but then he started to grow suspicious. The first time he saw something, he didn't think even Arthur realized Merlin saw something. Merlin had seen a strange flash of gold in Arthur's eyes just as a vase fell over in his chambers when he was angry at Merlin for something. Merlin had immediately dismissed it, thinking it was the fire reflecting off his eyes strangely. The next time it happened though Merlin started to get worried.

As usual, Merlin had waltzed into Arthur's chambers, not even bothering to knock as usual. But what wasn't normal was Arthur terrified look and yelling to get out. Merlin tried to convince himself that he was just so desperate for the prince to be open to the idea of magic that he was imagining Arthur with magic, but he was having a hard time believing himself. Merlin quickly realized he needed someone else's opinion and decided to talk to Lancelot.

Merlin had managed to catch Lancelot as he was heading to training and asked him to meet up with Merlin later that evening. Knowing it was something important; Lancelot had immediately agreed telling Merlin to meet him at The Rising Sun.

That night, Merlin found Lancelot had already grabbed a table for the pair of them and had two drinks ready. Merlin carefully weaved through the crowd towards Lancelot, bumping into several people as he did so. Grumbling Merlin gracelessly fell into the seat.

"What's going on?" Lancelot asked, not worrying much about being overheard from all the noise.

"I think… oh this is going to sound insane…"

"Just say it," Lancelot encouraged.

"IthinkArthurhasmagic" Merlin hurriedly said causing Lancelot to stare at him in confusion.

"What?" Lancelot asked, not sure _what _he'd heard. Merlin took a deep breath and tried to calmly explained,

"I think… I think Arthur has magic…I know it sounds crazy but I keep seeing weird things and the sorcerer I sensed during the hunt I keep sensing in Camelot! I don't have proof but I think may-" Merlin hurriedly explained hoping his friend wouldn't laugh.

"Merlin!" Lancelot exclaimed, "I don't think you'd say something like this unless you really though there might be some truth to it." Merlin sighed in relief and slumped over.

"Good…" Merlin sighed.

"What can I do?" Lancelot asked.

"If what I think is true is true we need to see what the knights think about magic…"

"Consider it done," Lancelot assured. "But… I think before we start doing anything to drastic, try talking to him."

Merlin stared at Lancelot and asked sarcastically, "What do you want me to walk up to him and ask, "Hey Arthur I think that maybe you have magic is this true? Don't worry I won't tell the king because I have magic too!" _I _would lose my head for that!"

Lancelot grinned slightly and assured him, "You'll know what to do when the time comes."

Merlin had never guessed the time would come so soon. After spending a little more time with Lancelot, Merlin had decided to check up on the prince before heading back to Gaius's chambers, not knocking as usual. Arthur had jumped and whirled around, eyes blazing gold.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked, stunned. It was true, Arthur had magic, _Arthur_ Prince of Camelot, son of the man who hated magic, was a warlock!

"Merlin I…" Arthur froze, terrified of what would happen next. Would Merlin run and tell his father? What would Arthur do if Merlin did that? Magic was illegal and Merlin just witnessed the prince using it! If Merlin did that Arthur could lie and say Merlin wa- no. As much as he feared his father's reaction he would never put the blame on an innocent man, especially one Arthur almost considered a friend. No he would just somehow convince Merlin he wasn't evil. "Merlin I… I couldn't stop this… it's like magic just chose me! I know it doesn't make sense but this just started a few weeks ago and I don't know how to stop it o-or control it…"

"Arthur," Merlin interrupted as calmly as possible. "Relax, I won't turn you in." Arthur's whole body stiffened as he looked at Merlin distrustfully.

"Why? Magic is illegal," Arthur slowly asked.

Merlin looked at Arthur, realizing there would never be a better time than right then to tell Arthur the truth. Taking a deep breath Merlin whispered,

"_Forbearnan." _Causing the candled in the room to light. Arthur stared at Merlin in disbelief

"You have _magic_!" Arthur roared glaring at the servant.

"So do you!" Merlin exclaimed, horrified. How could he hate Merlin so much for his magic if Arthur was the same?

"Why didn't you tell me?" Arthur demanded, causing Merlin to snap.

"In case you've forgotten you are the crowned Prince of Camelot! I consider you my friend but how could I ever make you choose between me and your father? Besides you have never been that kind to magic users." Before Arthur could formulate a response Merlin bitterly added, "Besides _you_ never planned on telling _me_!" Arthur opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to respond to Merlin's comments.

"How long have you had…it…" Arthur awkwardly finished.

"I was born with magic," Merlin softly replied.

"And you've been using it in Camelot all this time?" Arthur asked, amazed and terrified at the same time.

"It's always been my destiny to protect you," Merlin replied. "I've only ever used it to protect you!"

"How…?" Arthur asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"It was always me stopping the magical threats against you," Merlin explained. "From the beginning I have been protecting you."

"Why?" Arthur asked, "My father hates all magic users." Arthur asked.

"At first I only did it because it was "my destiny" but then… you became my friend and I wanted to help you. I know you're going to make a great king someday."

"Even with… my… magic?" Arthur slowly asked causing Merlin to grin.

"Yes," Merlin assured. "Don't you see that magic can be a force for good?"

"I can't control it though…" Arthur whispered. "What if I hurt someone?"

"You won't," Merlin assured. "I'll help you practice, learn to control it, use it properly-"

"I don't want to use magic!" Arthur exclaimed. He'd seen the way magic twisted people's views, made them think they were better than everyone else. "I've seen what it does to people…"

"Arthur it's not the magic tha-" Merlin began but Arthur quickly cut him off, assuring him,

"No I mean… I'm afraid… too much power can drive someone mad, make them do terrible things. I don't want to become that." Merlin sighed and reluctantly admitted

"I understand where you're coming from, but whether or not you like it you need to understand your magic better to learn how to control it and keep it from hurting someone."

"How do I know if I can really learn to control it?" Arthur asked.

"Do you trust me?" Merlin asked, looking serious. After the lies and deception, Arthur shouldn't be able to trust Merlin, but despite all of that, Merlin had always been there by Arthur's side. He was Arthur's friend, now they shared a terrible secret.

"Yes," Arthur slowly replied.

"Then come with me, there's someone you need to talk to"


	4. Chapter 4

"Arthur?" Leon asked, clearly concerned as Arthur and Merlin stepped outside into the hall. Arthur was pale and shaking slightly, looking afraid. It was a frightening sight for the knight, he considered the prince his friend.

"He's fine," Merlin assured. "I just need to take him to see Gaius. Don't worry, it's nothing serious just a little pain…"

"Maybe I should accompany…" Leon slowly began but Merlin hurriedly replied,

"No, don't… you'll just get in Gaius's way and you know how he hates interruptions." Leon reluctantly nodded as Merlin turned to Lancelot. "My theory… it was… right…" Merlin vaguely explained nodding at Arthur.

"Really?" Lancelot asked, amazed.

"Yea." Merlin replied.

"You told _him_ before even asking me about… it…" Arthur snapped glaring at the servant.

"I just needed to see that I wasn't… crazy…" Merlin lamely explained, looking over at Leon worriedly. Leon was looking between the three as if they had grown an extra head.

_Maybe we should discuss this somewhere else Merlin_ suggested using his mind so Leon wouldn't hear, making Arthur jump slightly.

Leon reluctantly stepped aside and let Arthur and Merlin continue towards Gaius's chambers.

"What was that?"

_Those with magic can speak to each other with their minds_ Merlin mentally told Arthur, making Arthur tense slightly.

"This is all… overwhelming…" Arthur muttered, wearily eyeing the servants than walked by.

"It was for me too," Merlin gently assured.

"Really?" Arthur asked, amazed. Arthur, knowing that someone could easily overhear them and report them to Uther, stopped talking, but Merlin, using his mind, urged.

_What's wrong?_ Focusing on Merlin, Arthur thought,

_I thought you had magic your whole life. _

Looking proud, Merlin explained, _yes, but I could never really control it until I came to Camelot._ Arthur froze when they reached Gaius's chambers and Merlin pushed the door open.

"Wait… we're really talking to Gaius?" Arthur asked, confused.

"Yes, he's kept my secret for this long, he can keep yours too," Merlin assured, grinning. Arthur slowly nodded his head and muttered,

"Ok…" The pair walked into Gaius's chambers, Merlin loudly calling out,

Grumbling, Gaius set down the potion he was mixing and grumbled, "What kind of problem?" When he noticed Arthur he added, "Is everything alright Sire?"

"Yes," Arthur quickly replied without thinking, "Well… no… umm…"

"Just show him," Merlin urged, smiling.

"Show me what?" Arthur stood their frozen, unsure _how_ to show Gaius. Sighing, Merlin bumped into the bucket of water causing it to fall off the table. Arthur's magic reacted to it, causing it to freeze in mind-air.

"H-how… w-when…" Gaius stammered.

"I… I couldn't do any of this until recently…" Arthur weakly explained.

"Do you know why Arthur might have gotten his magic?" Merlin asked.

"I have no idea where this would have come from," Gaius admitted. "Have you spoken to Kilgharrah?"

Merlin glared at Gaius and grumbled, "No."

"He might be able to give a better answer than I," Gaius informed Merlin.

"I'm not sure how… happy Arthur would be seeing him…" Merlin whispered, looking over at Arthur worriedly.

"He deserves to know Merlin," Gaius scolded causing Merlin to sigh dejectedly and muttered,

"I know… alright… Arthur… theirs someone you really need to meet… officially."

Merlin was strangely silent as they made their way through the lower town. Merlin was careful to make sure no one saw them as they walked to not raise any suspicion. The pair walked in silence as they entered the forest walking for several minutes before entering a large clearing.

Merlin sadly looked over at Arthur and whispered, "I'm sorry…" Before raising his head and shouting something in a strange language. Once Merlin had finished Arthur asked,

"Was that the old religion?" Shaking his head, Merlin muttered,

"No…" Merlin wouldn't say anything else for several minutes, worrying Arthur.

"Merlin, please just tell me what's going on!" Merlin looked at Arthur, a pained look on his face.

"Arthur… you know the dragon that attacked Camelot?"

"The one you said died?" Arthur asked, feeling sick.

"He… he's alive… but he won't attack Camelot! I won't let him!"

"How can you know that?" Arthur shouted. "The dragon killed innocent people!"

"I'm a dragon lord…" Merlin weakly explained. "Balinor… he was my father…"

Arthur wanted to be angry, but he couldn't. Merlin's father was dead; he wasn't even given a choice on anything life had viciously thrown at him.

"I'm sorry…" Arthur finally whispered as a large flying shape rapidly started approaching the clearing. Merlin didn't seem to worried, so Arthur tried to remain calm as the dragon landed in the clearing.

"Young warlock," the dragon greeted. "Have you finally told the young prince the truth?"

"Most of it," Merlin admitted. "But that's not why I'm here… Arthur… he has magic…" Merlin thought of the hundreds of ways Kilgharrah might react to this news, _laughter_ was not one of them.

"Very amusing young warlock," Kilgharrah finally said. "Now please, what is it you need?" Merlin sighed in annoyance and grumbled,

"That _is_ why I'm here. Do you know how Arthur could have possibly gotten magic?" Kilgharrah lowered his head and looked right at Arthur asking,

"Is this true? Do you really possess magic?"

Arthur glared at Kilgharrah and snapped, "Not by choice, I just discovered it a few days ago!" Kilgharrah continued to stare at Arthur as he replied,

"I truly do not know what could have caused Arthur to gain magic. But this seems to have been for the better; he now knows and accepts your magic Merlin."

"Is that all you caHe's not going to be any helpre about?" Arthur snapped, "Me accepting magic?"

"Albion cannot be if you do not accept it," Kilgharrah replied. Arthur glared at the dragon before huffing and looking away.

"Come on Arthur," Merlin sighed, "he can't help us."

"Arthur," Kilgharrah called making Arthur pause, not looking back at him though. "I cannot tell you the answer to where your magic came from, but I believe someone very close to you may know the answer." Arthur turned to look at Kilgharrah to ask him more but Kilgharrah spread his wings and took off, leaving the pair more confused than before.

"If he and Gaius can't tell me who possibly could?" Arthur demanded.

Merlin sighed and explained, "He's always talking in riddles. Maybe the druids? No… they're not close to you… that's frustrating…"

"We should probably head back to Camelot…" Arthur sighed. The pair walked back to Camelot in silence, neither knowing what to say to the other. The pair remained silent until they reached Arthur's chambers.

"Well… that was a complete waste of time!" Arthur exclaimed throwing his hands in the air and sending a cup flying. Arthur winced when it loudly slammed into the wall and clanged to the floor. Arthur stared at the cup for several seconds looking crestfallen. "How can I keep my… magic… a secret if I can't even control it?"

Merlin gave Arthur a soft smile and assured, "Don't worry I'll help you. I've had magic my whole life, I can help you learn to control it." Arthur looked at Merlin, slightly surprised.

"You'd help me learn how to use magic? In Camelot?"

"Of course," Merlin replied, grinning.

"You'd be putting your life at risk!" Arthur exclaimed.

"Your life is at risk right now," Merlin argued. "You're my friend; I'm going to do everything in my power to help you." Arthur flashed a weak grin at Merlin and muttered,

"Thank you." After a minute of silence Merlin reluctantly asked,

"Arthur… are… will you ever tell Gwen?" Arthur stared at Merlin and asked,

"…Why would I need to?"

"I know you really like her," Merlin reasoned, "And if you plan on marrying her doesn't she deserve to know? Especially if you have children who may get magi-"

"Her father was killed because of a sorcerer in case you've forgotten!" Arthur snapped.

"She would still love you," Merlin argued.

"How could _you _possibly know? It's not like you ever told anyone before me!" Arthur snapped causing the flame on the candles to rise alarmingly high. Arthur took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. Eventually the flame lowered and Merlin said,

"Alright… I'll go get my spell book and I can show you a few simple spells, you can use them discretely if you're starting to lose control of your magic." Arthur stiffly nodded his head so Merlin hurried out of Arthur's chambers to collect the necessary items. Once Arthur was alone he sat down heavily and wondered _will I ever be able to tell Gwen?_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**

**I'm not going to lie, this chapter was a nightmare but I pushed through because you guys really wanted it.**

The next few days where the hardest in Arthur's life, he never realized how _difficult_ it was to keep such a big secret, Arthur couldn't help but wonder how Merlin managed it for so long. For the next few weeks Arthur practiced magic with Merlin at night. He knew he wasn't quiet acting like himself anymore but he didn't know how to act like himself anymore. How could he justify killing druids when he was exactly like them.

The worst part of it all was that he wasn't getting any better at controlling his magic, it was still wild and out of control and he would causing things to explode when he was angry. Merlin insisted his magic was so out of control because he couldn't accept it, but Arthur wasn't so sure. He knew he had magic, what more was there to "accept"? Arthur sighed in frustration as he combed through the spell book Merlin had loaned him.

The worst part of it all was not being able to tell his men, his _friends_. Lancelot knew, but he didn't exactly tell Lancelot, Merlin did. A part of him wanted to tell his men what was really going on, but another part of him hesitated. What if they reacted to the news like they reacted in his dream? Arthur sighed and slammed the book shut, unable to look at the book any longer.

Arthur heard the door open and knew it was Merlin without even looking; he was the only person who would walk in without knocking.

"How do you do this?" Arthur whispered.

"Before telling you it was really hard," Merlin admitted. "I… I felt like a monster…"

"You're not a monster!" Arthur immediately assured Merlin causing Merlin to smile weakly and reply,

"I know… neither are you." Arthur turned away from Merlin, unable to reply immediately.

"I know that… but my father and people think differently," Arthur slowly admitted.

"We can show them that magic can be good," Merlin assured.

"I'm committing treason…" Arthur mumbled.

"By trying to control something you were born with?" Merlin asked skeptically.

"Magic did kill my mother…" Arthur countered.

"So that makes it evil?" Merlin asked, glaring at Arthur.

"According to my father, yes," Arthur stiffly replied. "I'm afraid my men will agree with him…"

"Some maybe," Merlin agreed, "But Leon, Elyan, Percival, and Gwaine… they might see differently."

"Then why haven't you told them?" Arthur demanded.

"I didn't want to make them choose between me and you… it wasn't fair but… now…" Merlin began trailing off slightly.

"You think I should tell them?" Arthur finished.

"We," Merlin corrected. "It's not just your secret… it's mine too. I won't tell them though unless you're ready to." Merlin's response confused Arthur slightly so he reluctantly asked,

"Why?"

"They'd want to know why you're suddenly so ok with it so you'd either have to lie or tell them the truth and that's not fair… I could never put you in that position unless you were ready to tell them."

"All your problems with magic seem to revolve around me…" Arthur mumbled guiltily.

"I think Uther is more to blame," Merlin assured. "I mean… for a lowly servant like me it's a nightmare keeping something like this hidden but… for the king's son? I can't imagine…"

"Do you really think I should tell them?" Arthur asked, cutting Merlin off.

"I completely understand why you wouldn't want to," Merlin began. "But also… after you found out… I felt a huge burden lifting off my shoulder's…it just reminded me how hard it is to not tell the people you care about…"

"…are you sure you want to tell them?" Arthur asked worriedly.

"I am… but only if you want to."

"They deserve to know… Merlin, get the knights…" Merlin nodded his head and left before Arthur could change his mind.

Merlin rounded up the knights much faster than Arthur would have liked, he needed more time… Leon smiled at Arthur, looking slightly confused. Out of all the knights, Leon was the closest to him, they had grown up together. Arthur knew Leon was extremely loyal to Arthur but he was also loyal to the king. Lancelot looked between Arthur and Merlin knowingly, causing Gwaine, Elyan, and Percival to look between them in confusion.

"I… well Merlin and I really have something we need to tell you…" Arthur began only to be cut off by an excited Gwaine,

"I knew it! I knew there was something going on between you too!" Merlin and Arthur stared at Gwaine, mouths slightly agape.

"No that's not… no," Arthur firmly responded causing Gwaine to somber slightly. "No… this is life and death… This is treason… I can't…"

"Arthur," Merlin interrupted, "They deserve to know."

"Arthur," Leon began looking extremely worried, "Are you alright?"

Arthur took a deep breath to calm himself and finally admitted, "No… I'm not. If the wrong ears hear this… we'll… Uther will kill us…"

"Arthur, please tell us what's going on," Leon begged.

"You're starting to worry us princess," Gwaine added.

"We…we have magic…" Arthur finally told them. Arthur wasn't sure what he expected, but laughter was not one of the things he expected. Gwaine started loudly laughing as the other knights stared at Arthur in confusion.

"Alright princess… you got me…" Gwaine informed them, still laughing, "So what's really going on?" Arthur sighed heavily as Merlin whispered a spell causing the candle on the table to go out. Gwaine jumped slightly, staring at Merlin in shock. Arthur slowly whispered another spell causing the candle to relight. The room was completely silent for several seconds as the men processed what they saw.

"How did you-?" Leon began, still staring at Arthur, wide eyed.

"I didn't do anything to get magic," Arthur explained. "It chose me… about a week ago weird things started happening and I realized that it was magic…"

"When… how did you discover your magic Merlin?" Gwaine asked, expression unreadable.

"I was born with magic," Merlin explained. "You can't chose to use magic… isn't something your born with." Grinning slightly Gwaine informed them,

"You weren't kidding princess when you said this was life or death. You definitely caught me off guard."

"Well…?" Arthur reluctantly asked.

"Listen Princess, I lived in kingdoms outside of Camelot, I don't have a problem with magic," Gwaine calmly informed them.

"I know your both good people," Elyan added, smiling at the pair. "I always believed Uther's laws where wrong."

"I've never met a sorcerer before… so I can't really say how I feel," Percival admitted. Leon hadn't looked at Arthur or Merlin throughout the conversation, worrying Arthur.

"Leon?" Arthur asked, terrified that Leon would run off to tell Uther of his treachery. Of all the knights, Leon's opinion meant the most to him.

"I know you both are good men," Leon assured. "It's just very shocking news…"

"My father…" Arthur began only to be cut off by Leon,

"Will never hear about this."

"We don't agree with his law, and you are our friend. He will not find out," Gwaine added.

"Thank you…" Arthur told them, a huge burden lifting off of his shoulders.

"Now that, that is taken care of," Gwaine began, "I saw we all go to the tavern to celebrate!"

"Why?" Elyan asked, rolling his eyes.

"No one's dying, there's no war, no secret mission that we need to go on, just Princess discovering magic. That my friend is something worth celebrating," Gwaine declared sauntering off.

"Does he ever need a reason to go to the tavern?" Percival asked, shaking his head. Arthur couldn't stop grinning as he followed the knights down to the tavern. Merlin was right; it felt great to finally be free. Someday, they would _really _be free. He'd make sure of it.

**End Notes**

**So I may add more to this if I get inspired so stay tuned!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**

**College eats you're life I swear. I have had no free time lately. Law Class and cost control class are killing me! I forced myself to stay up late though to get this chapter to you so you better appreciate it! Haha I'm kidding… mostly. But in all seriousness please keep in mind while reading this is not a death fic. **

Arthur and Merlin where extremely careful for the next several weeks. When they practiced it was only one or two spells at a time and Arthur only practiced at night when no one was awake to hear him. There had been a few close calls when someone unexpectedly tried to barge in, but Arthur felt that they were doing a good job so far of keeping suspicion down.

Arthur was practicing some simple spells that night because he found for some reason he just couldn't sleep. He'd been tossing and turning for several hours before he'd given up and started practicing. Arthur froze when he heard several pairs of footsteps running towards his chambers. Thinking quickly Arthur shoved the book under his mattress and jumped under the covers just as the door burst open and a guard snarled,

"Where is he?" Arthur made a show of sitting up groggily and asking,

"Who?"

"The servant boy," Uther growled stepping into Arthur's chambers.

"What's happened?" Arthur asked, worry filling him. His father looked angry, that was never a good sign.

"Where are you hiding the sorcerer?" Uther growled. Arthur stared at Uther in stunned silence, unable to form the words to answer. How had he discovered their secret? No one had seen them! If he thought Arthur was involved then why didn't he arrest Arthur right their?

"Merlin… he can't be a sorcerer…" Arthur weakly mumbled too stunned to say anything else. Uther's expression softened as he looked at his son, realizing Arthur had nothing to do with the "sorcerer".

"Arthur… son… the sorcerer has put some spell on you… but I will have him executed and you will be saved…"

"No!" Arthur shouted horrified, "He's no-"

"Sire, we've found him!" A guard shouted, dragging a terrified Merlin into Arthur's chambers. Merlin looked at Arthur with a look of betrayal in his eyes. Arthur realized with growing horror that Merlin thought he'd told his father about Merlin's magic.

"Merl-" Arthur began but his father stepped in front of Arthur and snarled,

"You will lift whatever spell you've placed on my son!"

"I didn't do anything to him…" Merlin whispered, defeated.

"Father stop!" Arthur shouted, fear for his friend growing rapidly. He couldn't stand the look of defeat and betrayal in his eyes. "He's not the sorcerer! I am!" Everyone turned to look at the prince in shock, no one able to believe that the Prince of Camelot, son of the king who declared war on magic, was claiming to practice magic within the walls of his own kingdom. Arthur knew he was openly declaring treason but he didn't care, he would not let Merlin die. Instead of turning in anger on Arthur, Uther whirled around to Merlin once again and snarled,

"_What have you done to my son!_"

"He hasn't done anything!" Arthur shouted, practically begging his father to listen to him.

"No, he has, and for that he must be punished," Uther growled. "He will be burned, tonight!" Merlin was dragged out of Arthur's chambers and Arthur in a moment of desperation raising a fist back to fight Uther, to force him to listen, but the guards held him back and asked.

"Should I take him to the dungeons?" Uther looked back at Arthur with an almost concerned look and replied,

"No, he must watch." Arthur was suddenly getting dragged through the castle behind Merlin who was trying in vain to convince his father they he wasn't a sorcerer and that he hadn't done anything to Arthur. Arthur felt completely helpless, what was he supposed to do? He couldn't attack his father, their where to many guards for them to possibly fight, they'd surely kill them both before they left the castle… They were dragged outside of the castle to the town square where a large crowd surrounded a large pyre. The angry crowd was screaming, demanding blood, and Uther was happy to oblige.

As Merlin was being tied to the pyre he glared at Arthur and snarled, "I never should have helped you!"

"I'm sorry!" Arthur shouted, his chest tightening as tears blurred his vision. A guard lowered the torch to Merlin's feet setting the pyre on fire. Arthur didn't care that everyone could see his tears, his friend was dying, and no one seemed to care.

"Father stop! Please!" Arthur shouted, begging his father to just _stop_. Why couldn't he see magic wasn't evil? Merlin's screaming was getting weaker by the minute and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Without even thinking, Arthur let his magic burst out and fling the guards off of their feet and charged at the pyre only to find he was too late. Arthur felt sick as guards charged at him screaming,

"Sorcerer!" Arthur didn't care anymore, Merlin was dead and it was their fault.

"_Noooo!_" Arthur shouted, letting his magic lose, the flames angrily rose as the guards where mercilessly flung in the air. The smoke burned his nostils as he took in the destruction being wrought…

Arthur jolted awake with a shout, seeing flames. After a moment he realized there was a fire in his chambers. Before he could do anything guards swarmed into his chambers and quickly put out the fire. Leon was suddenly by Arthur's side asking,

"Are you alright Sire?" Arthur took a deep breath to try and calm himself and stiffly replied,

"I… yes… Merlin the idiot forgot to put out the candle and I must have knocked it over. Don't worry I'm fine." Leon looked like he wanted to argue but thankfully he simply nodded his head and dropped the subject. Leon and the guards left, leaving Arthur to his thoughts.

Arthur could still feel his magic burning beneath his skin, begging to be let out, but Arthur forced himself to remain control and to rein it in. Arthur shakily stood and walked over to the table and sat down heavily. He could still feel the heat of the flames and the smell of burning flesh filled his nostrils. Arthur had, had several nightmares about him being discovered and killed, but this was the first time he'd dreamt that Merlin had burned. If he was honest with himself, none of his dreams had left him this shaken before.

Arthur had no idea what he'd do if Merlin was killed. It was terrifying to think about, but Arthur didn't think he'd be able to hold back if something really did happen to his friend… Arthur jumped out of his seat when someone knocked on the door, forcing Arthur out of his thoughts. Arthur straightened himself and firmly called,

"Enter." To Arthur's surprise Merlin slowly opened the door and slid in saying,

"Leon said there was a fire…"

"I umm… knocked over a candle… it's nothing…" Arthur replied, not looking Merlin in the eye. He couldn't admit that he lost control of his magic again, he had been finally making some progress…

"Was it a nightmare?" Merlin gently asked.

"Huh?" Arthur asked, trying to play dumb. He knew that Merlin saw right through it when Merlin scoffed,

"Come on, you _never_ knock things over. What happened?"

Arthur couldn't bring himself to look at Merlin when he muttered, "We were discovered…you… died…" The grin that grew on Merlin's face when Arthur finished almost made Arthur wish he hadn't told Merlin the truth; but Arthur pushed on, "What would we do if we got caught… I don't know what my father would do to me but… he… he would kill you on site…"

"It wouldn't be ideal but… we could leave."

"Leave?" Arthur echoed, barely believing what he was hearing. How could Merlin suggest that they just drop everything and _run _like cowards? How could he ever abandon his people to save his own skin? If he thought about it though, he would leave in a heartbeat if it meant protecting Merlin.

"We would come back eventually…" Merlin offered. "You can't exactly bring about the greatest era of Albion if you're dead can you?"

"What if you can't get away?" Arthur mumbled. What if Arthur had to bring about Albion alone?

"You'd be able to protect yourself," Merlin assured.

"That's no-" Arthur began but Merlin cut him off,

"Arthur, I would do anything, _anything_, to protect you, even if it meant that I die in your place. You're life-"

"My life isn't more valuable than anyone else's!" Arthur snapped, glaring at his friend.

"Camelot, all of Albion, couldn't exist if you died," Merlin mumbled. "Thousands of lives would be destroyed if you died. It's not fair, but that's how it is. It's my job to protect you, and all of Albion. So if that means that I have to die to do it… then so be it." Arthur felt his chest painfully tightened at Merlin's declaration. Why couldn't the idiot see he didn't want Merlin to die? Arthur knew though that as hard as Arthur would fight to keep Merlin safe, Merlin would fight just as hard for him.

"If you think I'm just going to let you sacrifice yourself you're an even bigger idiot than I thought," Arthur informed Merlin, trying to make his tone light.

"Don't let this get to your head prat," Merlin scolded, grinning. "You're giant head is already to big for your crown."

"Idiot," Arthur sighed.

"Prat," Merlin immediately responded.

"Clotpole," Arthur shot back, grinning at Merlin's indignant expression when he replied,

"Hey! Stop stealing my words!"

"You set yourself up for that one," Arthur easily shot back, feeling comfortable going back to their usual habits. Arthur didn't want to think about death and banishment anymore. They would figure it out if that ever happened. Arthur just hoped it never would come to that.

**End Notes**

**I may continue this idea if enough people are interested. Leave me a review if you enjoyed it. **


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